Tomorrow night marks the one year memorial of a few.. Sad deaths.
Naivety, trust and a different life where I and the people around me are entirely different.
It’s the day that up until recently I still believed you took everything away from me. A day where I fell and never in a million years I thought I would pick myself back up in a short 6 months. It definitely wasn’t easy, especially when I realized that in this hideous experience I had actually aught myself things.
You had managed to show me how life is a double sided blade, and while you inflicted this horror on me I passed it on to the next person in an effort to heal myself. That doesn’t make me any better than you. So.. In a way, we’re all our own enemies.
Unfortunately, something else came to light. I soon came to grips with the dark awareness that without you I wouldn’t know certain people would become to be who they are currently. Such as the seemingly peculiar stranger who turned out to be the love of my life, or the friend who said she’d always be there like family just completely backed out on me.
Not to mention that perhaps.. You gave me an opportunity to realize that Calgary wasn’t what I wanted, of course you didn’t do any of this on purpose, but I was out in February due to an expiring lease anyways. And what if I was still there? I more than likely would’ve ended up homeless. I could barely afford THAT house.
Another thing I picked up on was that.. When people turn to drugs and boozing to heal, you DO learn things. In my case, I learnt getting drunk as fuck, crying and punching people was not the healthiest way to deal with my issues. These days, the happier I get the less need I feel to be intoxicated to have fun. I barely drink, and sadly.. I rarely indulge in the herb. You’ve tainted the liquid demon for me, which I suppose I can thank you for.
Yeah, you also tainted a period in my life.. But that’s all it is: a period of time.
And now, with time and healing mixed with love and self-discovery, I’m almost entirely whole—I might even go as far as to say that I’m truly happier. Do I encourage what you did? Do I condone it?
No. I think I would be in a much different place right now with different people in my life, maybe I’d be happier than I am now or I’d be absolutely miserable. The thing is.. You took away that life for me, whatever it was. You completely took away my knowledge for it, something I will NEVER ever get back.
I won’t complain, I have a pretty fantastic life these days, even got myself some plans to move to Vancouver in the spring and pursue my biggest dreams.
You’re scum, you don’t even think what you did was wrong.. That’s fucked up. But I’ve learnt that even from the most violent acts against humanity, there is potential for good to flourish. I’m not a hideous human on the inside, despite your attempts to make me as foul as you, and I intend on using my newly found inner beauty to change the world.
One year later and I’m finally ready for life.
And don’t even take credit, anything I learnt from this experience was self-deducted. Asshole.